Archive for August 2nd, 2008

Jennifer Aniston: 'What is this? Nipple Day? I'm in.'

Saturday, August 2nd, 2008

Suddenly, Jennifer Aniston’s nipple sonar went off: Somebody was popping nips and their name wasn’t Jennifer Aniston.

“I’ll see about this,” Jennifer said. She quickly turned to her assistant. “Ice me.”

“But, miss-”

“I SAID, ‘ICE ME!’”

Several cold seconds later, Jennifer Aniston’s nipples were primed like rockets in a missile silo. She motioned for her driver to stop near a pack of paparazzi. Jessica Alba, Rihanna: a day of reckoning is upon thee.

Jennifer Aniston exited the vehicle and immediately began pointing at objects with almost laser-guided precision. Inside her head a maniacal, yet genius, monologue ensued:

“Is that a rock? Now it’s a rock being pointed at by my nipples. What are you drinking? A latte? Now it’s a latte being pointed at by my nipples. Say, is that a bird?”

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Britney Spears' dad remains in control until New Year's

Saturday, August 2nd, 2008

Thumbnail image for 0728_britney_spears_bikini_01.jpg

Jamie Spears will continue his conservatorship of Britney until the end of the year. The commissioner extended Jamie’s control of Britney’s estate during a hearing this afternoon, but left it open to early termination. (Read: Once Britney can put on her clothes like a big girl, she gets her bank account back.) E! Online reports:

“Regarding the conservatorship of the person, I understand that Ms. Spears is reluctantly agreeing to extend those letters,” Goetz said. “We are extending them until Dec. 31, 2008.”
A status hearing for the extended order has been set for Oct. 28.

My sources tell me Britney’s reluctance was easily won over when her dad promised her a pony. Except after the hearing he said “Just kidding” and took her to the dentist.

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